calculator days

Sometimes, I wish that I could have calculator days.

I want to erase what happened; to go back to a clean, blank screen.

I wish that I could pull back, look at the choices before me and choose one quickly.

I have a desire to control everything, to manipulate what is going on and bend it to my will.

But just because I want those days does not mean that they are the best. I cannot go back in time and take away mistakes. Sometimes mistakes can turn out to be good, or at least, not as awful as I had first thought that they were. There is no clear-cut menu in life with all of my options listed before me. 

As for control, only God can see ahead and control what is going on around me. I do not have that kind of power over people around me or my circumstances. I need to give God my desire for calculator days and relinquish that longed-for control. God made me and He has a plan for me, one that I am just beginning to unfold. I cannot pull it open too soon, like a child peeling back the petals of a blossoming flower to see what is underneath.

God knows, and that is enough.